Well having a vacation should be something happy. But I doesn't feel like it so much. Honestly I rather stay at home and hang out with my friends for the whole day, that would be much more better. But I don't think I have a choice then, live in this family with high expectations, we really do not have many free wills.

Actually I always think, I this what I really what or I just followed what my parents expect from me. That's a really good question though.

Emotional status

It's really been awhile again I haven post any blogs here. It makes the page full of dust and seems to be neglected by everyone already.... Well, I'm glad that no one will see this anymore, as this will be my very own personal diary and I will jot down every great moments I have or feelings right here.
I just watched a drama by Aaron, my idol! And I've just replayed the kissing part over and over again. And I've realized that actually I never had a real boyfriend before and I never snog a guy. So I started to think if I died at this moment, maybe I'm will not go with a clear mind, thoughts and heart. I always have a feeling that I'm going to die soon. How soon is it? Never thought of it. However, i think maybe is good for me to die early because i won't be a burden to my parents anymore and at least I will be free with all the tensions I have now. Well, although SPM is almost over, but I actually do not feel really relieve. I was really happy when the biology paper ends and I started to smile. But after everything, the marking and checking of answers, I finally know that what makes me tension is not because of the EXAM. Is because of the results. I was really so happy when I realized that I actually got 46 for paper biology. but it came out others doesn't seems to good. Or I should not good at all. Especially chemistry. How is it possible for me to get such marks. I mean like when I do exercises, I do get quite a satisfactory mark. But in real exams I didn't do well at all. Am I to stress out, causing everything to be lost in my mind or maybe I was really unprepared for it.
I started to think a lot of possibility. What if i REALLY didn't do well? How is my future going to be. Dexter told me it is impossible for me to get a results of NOT GOOD. But anything is possible.If I didn't do well, am I still able to be admitted to college or university for further studies? Can I still become a doctor. I must be a doctor and I must get into matriks. It is my only way. I do not have much choice. This is the only which must be taken. Maybe sometimes I'm wrong and I got the wrong perception, but sometimes you just can't denied it.
At this time again, I'm thinking of the BGR problem again. If I have somebody, I might tell that somebody what's my feeling now or maybe I will cry on his chest and he will just hug me tightly so that I will feel secured. But will that person appear? What if he has actually appeared and I didn't realized and I just ignored him? I might be crazy at this moment. But I just hope that the things happen few years ago will not happen and maybe we will really live happily ever after

It's nice, It's beautiful

Dance Upon The Wind.

by Intimate Knight

I wasn't looking for it, but some how it came, and found me. Before I had a chance to react, it wrapped it's warmth around me. Like a thief in the night, it has come and gone. I have nothing, but that vision to reflect upon. Until chance comes again, I'll let my thoughts dance upon the wind. All day long, in my mind, I walk love's lonely street. Like a tired man that longs to sit, but just can't find a seat. Then, there it was again, up ahead, to light my way. Only to vanish once more, just like all my yesterdays. Until chance comes again, I'll let my thoughts dance upon the wind. I don't know where I'm going, and where I've been isn't much to speak of. I just know my heart is always showing, leading me to some far off love. Just when I give up the fight. Here it comes to make the bad things good, and the wrong things right. Only to leave me lost and lonely again. Drifting away as my thoughts dance upon the wind. It has a name, I think they call it friend.

I'm back! And it's real!

I'm back to my blog, FINALLY!

Let's see when is my last post....

Oh! Is April!

And what month is it now?

June!

Ok, well. So during these 2 blank blog months, things happened. I mean a lot of things happening.

Quarrel--> Settled-->not really settled--> no more F.R.I.E.N.D.S thingy happen.... Doesn't it sounds crazy. I mean, Hello to earth! I thought all these things happen only in kiddos,

as they always like to say, "I WON'T FRIEND YOU ANYMORE!!",

and ended with a "HUH!!!!" But you see, now all of these things are happening in ME! And everything just start with a misunderstanding. A misunderstand that happened between us. At once I was so naive that everything will goes right after awhile. But ended up getting worse. Sounds interesting right?

Maybe that shouldn't be called as naive, we should called it as STUPID!

Because according to SUZANNE'S VERSION DICTIONARY, PUBLISHED AT 2010, naive means you just don't know what's going on when something happens, because you've never been through it.

But stupid means, you already know what's happening, you know what are the outcomes and consequences, but you're just STUPID ENOUGH to step inside it again.

So that's me then. But try to think it another way, the "solidness" of friendship doesn't build in easily, it been through a lot of processes and hardships, so how could you let go off this thing so easily when it is precious as gold to you? That's why I was treating it as a turning point in my life or a beautiful hardship for my friendship. Anyway, it just didn't came up with what I thought. So just forget about it. But honestly, I can't forget, and I can't just get rid of it. It's just difficult.

As time passes, I've finally got 1 conclusion.

Suzanne, You're not stupid, you're not naive, you're just doing the right thing, because you can't just give up friendship easily, you'll need them in life. So when you tried real hard, and nothing can do anymore, it's fine, just let it go, at least there's still memory right there.

I just wanna tell that person that, I won't hate you, angry of you. You're not a stranger to me anyway, but you're not my true best friend anymore. What you've said about you're best friend now to me, I won't tell, but I tell you, sooner or later you will get something if you just don't change.

Sorry for abandoning my blog for such a long time.... Cuz i'm really not in a mood of blogging.... This are really happening these few weeks.... Arguements and all soughts of things..... Ppl now a days are totally blinded with fame and honour.... They want all this.... They can do anything for that.soBetraying friends, making ppl mad and so on..... Now everyone hates that person... For them is worth it... For us is stupid!

Prefect camp!!!!!

Finally prefect camp has come to an end... After doing it for almost 3 months. the ajk, service team were actually working so hard for this camp...

During the camp, everything actually runned quite smoothly....

Although I was by the mosquitoes for the whole night and got scared by Justin during twilight game, but it's still good.... Superman game, 6 sense game, silence game... All were actually the hard work from us. Although this camp we really didn't sleep much.... But we do still enjoy with such fun atmosphere. Good job to my group- Esmond.... he really did a very good work..

Special thanks to the

Scouts

BB

St. John

All AJK

Good job guys!

Seems like the feedback is almost positive

Except the too tired issue.

BEE!!!!!! BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Few weeks ago, i just recovered from hurting my leg....

Now pula got stung by a bee near school

Min Ket, Vui Lam, Sweeney rushed down to meet us up

Then went everywhere to find a clinic

Lastly went to the hospital

The one next to me also got stung by a bee at the same place

3 injections in 1 row

I've never felt such pain and fear

My pulse got until 140

which is very fast

Stupid bee

Hate U a lot

曾经相信, 那刹那间的光辉会是永恒
曾经天真的认为, 美好的时光会一直存在
原来一切都已成为了历史
原来一切都是假象
就象儿时爸爸在床边哄我入睡的童话故事
曾经相信这世界真的有天使
可长大后才发现原来那天使不存在

For once, I really believe that memory will become eternity
For once, I've naively believe that the time will stay forever
But actually it has already became history
It's just an illusion
Just like the bed-time stories that my dad had read to me to let me get into my slep
For that time I really believe that angel to exist in this world
But when I've grown up
Then I realize that angel actually doesn't exist

New week after CNY

After a week of holiday, again it's a busy week. Bunch of stuff to carry out. Like meetings and test. So on. I have actually not enough sleep since last year. And I'm getting more and more exhausted. (So do the others). Ya I know they are also having a hard time.But my eyes really can't open much right now. But still I won't forget to keep on track with my blog. 5 test in 1 week. I sprang my hand again. But this time is right hand. Luckily it's just a minor sprang, or else another bandage will be seen. The degree of my eyes is higher again. Haiz... Then prefect camp, then exam, then piano exam, then competition... Walau... Call me superwoman from now on....

Chinese Valentine's day

Today it's the last day of Chinese New Year and it's also Chinese Valentine's Day. During Valentine's Day, It was the first day of Chinese New Year, and I've celebrated it with all my friends. Maybe this is one of the reason why I felt nothing. But since what had happened, I can't really cheered up today. I've tried it already actually, but it just work for not more than 3 hours. Since yesterday night, I was actually thinking why are you trying to treat me that way. I am not your somebody. It doesn't mean that you can have anything you want from me. I still have my own way to live, why are you trying to actually distract me from my new life without you. I was actually having a great time with my my gang yesterday night, but your sudden existence in my life, spoiled my mood. Luckily, my friends were so good to m, and they've tried to comfort me.... Thanks esmond, chow.... I've already tell you i don't want it anymore, why do u still want me face you. Why do you really have to start the argument? I remember last year, during this day, I was hurt with your farewell, now I'm hurt with your existence. Valentine means something to me. It doesn't only mean the day of remembrance of Love between Lover, but the day of remembrance of Love between friends and family

Now we've already become friends which can really say anything or even do anything.... almost no secret..... This is really what friends called.

Newww gang! new bff!

After the cny celebration

It was really a total blast with all the new stuff

New life

New mind

New soul

New strength

And new gang

Since we've been practicing and been through so many hardships they are really important for me...

Chow

Philip

Esmond

Eric

I really treasured them a lot

They are good and ever supportive

What is much more better than this!

And oopss

it's still boys!

Again!

Friendship

When something happen you will appreciate what you have..

You will appreciate what you've been through

You will actually appreciate everything around you

Through everything I've been through

I understand what is more important for me compare to L.O.V.E

(Which I don't experienced it by now)

FRIENDSHIP

Yeah!!!!! Great Job!!!

Finally, a month of battling, everything is done......

Free!!!!!!

Chinese New Year celebration is finally over

It started with a question mark

And ended with an exclamation mark

Everyone really did a tremendous job...

Drama-It's splendor, it's good, Great job to all the actors.

Cheers to Ka Ann, who was the director of the drama

Yuan who was the script writer of it

Eric, Ricky, Shan Rou, Lei.....

Everyone! Very good!

Modern dance- It's out of my expectation! They are really great.....

Cheers to

Kevin

Chow Tshun Nam

Esmond

Philip

Joanna

Tong

Kelly

Ang Chee

After few months of practice

It finally brings to a perfect ending

Great job guys

Waiting for your performance during easter!

Violin Performance

Yuan, you've finally did it....

Without having any out tunes

See I told you you can do it what!

Breakers- the group was great everyone knows

It was good until the principal has his thumbs up!

Great job guys!

YUAN! WE'VE FINALLY DID IT

WOOHOO!!!!!

Chinese New Year~~~~~

Addicted to gamble since last 2 days(during my open house)
Crazy with gambling
Planned to go to Mr. Moh's house today
But ended up not going
Because you will totally feel weird
When there's the presence of BGB
And you were the only student here
I mean like 5D student
So me and yuan ended up to7-heaven
Makan makan duduk duduk
Until 2.30
Ate a lot
Quite expensive
But Aunty Judy gave us a treat!
Yeah no need to pay so much
Went to Teresa's house to play Jinami!
Lose RM10 to teresa, miss lee and yuan!!!!!
I've spent the whole ang pau money that teresa and her mother-in-law gave
I won't gamble anymore
But I still PLAY!

GONG XI FA CHAI!

Happy Chinese New Year to everyone!!!!!
This is the best festival in my whole life.....
Cuz money coming in what...
Muahaha
Of course
Cny you can't forget about fire crackers
NOISY
1st day of cny
Surely be going to church
No excuse bout that
Then went to yuan's house
It was totally crowded and noisy
At her uncles house
The lion, dragon dance are like having battle
Lion dances and dragon dance carried out in the same time
We were totally annoyed by it
After that went to equator with Wesley
Talk talk talk and talk
Non-stop
At night
Went to dexter's house
Lip, yuan, daniel, rou and me
Fun
With the kiddos
So cute!!!!!!
Played cards
And enjoying how tidy is dexter's room
Really as a girl
I'm quite ashame of it
Cuz it's really tidy






FUN!!!!
PICTURE WILL BE POSTED AT FB

Pain Pain Pain!

My leg with the bruises

My leg with the bandage

Last minute of sport's day
I've just fell down and hurt myself...
It was a total pain
And I really cried out
My tears are actually bursting out
Thanks to Leng
Tristan
Arjunan
They've really did well for first aiding me
As a St.John
And as a friend
Although arjunan's bandaging skill is quite.....
Actually just that it's not tidy
Thanks to Laura, Kelly, Audrey
Tried to stayed with me to the last minute
Rou, really stayed with me to the last minute
Wong Kah Thin
Tried to act as a doctor to advice me
Monday i will be going to school with blazer
Prefect attire
Tidy hair
Which it actually looks smart
With a slipper and a bandage
What an awkward scene!

PROTEST NOW OR NEVER!

This is the poem our group made for protesting the new rules of the school
Saman any class with a piece of rubbish
Every student have to pay 50 cents for each saman
What a shame for the school
They are like begging money from the student
Just in one day
We've only receive 3 samans
What a great achievement is this!
After this incident
The class became stronger and firm
We've became more united as 1
The poem goes like this

All Sung Siew students:
Let's protest
Let's not wait
Let's protest
Before is too late

Wrappers and Papers
Lollipop Sticks
Clothes and Bottles
It makes us sick!

Our wallet is crying
All because of them
They steal and use
They were no better than runts

Out of the assembly
Comes a new rule
Whoever throws and throws
You have to pay!

All Sung Siew students
You must lend a hand
Go facebook and MSN
To show our complaints

Don't get angry
Or sit down and wait
Just throw the rubbish
In the bins that they made

Let's work together
New habits from old
There must be awareness
In everyone's soul

We've only one year
Let's not make it worse
Don't let it perish
It's more precious than gold

All Sung Siew students
The money is yours
If you don't protest today
Your money is lost!

1/2/2010!

It's the first day of the new week and the new month
In just a blink of an eye
The time really flies pretty fast
This morning someone told be a bombastic news about someone
I really can't believe that it happened again
It happened few years ago
And now again
Having a great time with dexter, yuan, rou during free period
Fooling around there with those nonsense realationship
Really crazy
Yuan, the 1st wife is so mad with me this new darling of dexter
LOL
And dexter is so worried of having HCL to be jealous
LOL again
Try to sing like somebody and made all of us laugh like a bunch of crazy geeks
Students were actually studying there
But we were singing
Like having our own concert
A day with laughters
With friends
With fun
Is better to be with a bunch of books, musics and stresses

Depressed!

Another new day and i was being so obssesed with rest
BUT eventually i can't really get a good one
Cuz too many things are actually happening around me
And I can't never get rid of it
Duh!!!
As days are getting real stress
I feel like I'm being a little anti-social
I talk less
Smile less
Joke less
These are what I normally do
These are actually my personalities
But as days gone
I don't really have these in me anymore
But Maybe some of you might be seeing me hanging my smile and laughter everyday
In fact....
Pada hal...
Yesterday during tuition
Dexter did something real funny
And it made me laughed like real hell
After being so doomy for a few weeks
It makes me feel a little relieved from the stress outs
Suddenly friend A asked in quite a rude manner
What is that so funny
Maybe she thought that we are laughing at her
But actually NO!'
Both dexter and me kept silent and continue laughing
But friend B answered in this way
For how long has she not been laughing this way
It's way long
I actually think
Someone who really knows me and actually can know that I am hanging a fake smile is only 3 of them
Dexter, Rou and Siau Shan (friend B)
Cuz they actually did realize what is that making me so doomed and depressed
Some may have thought that I am actually faking or actually trying to get some attention
But who cares what are they thinking
I was in true depressed
Even my parents did realized that
They've actually tried to put me out of all this stress
But I failed to do so
And they've been so worried that I am having depression
But i don't think I am reaching to do stage yet
After a few months maybe
Lord God please be with me and give me strength
I am eager to be in Your presence
Lord please be with me and give me courage

Mad!!!!!!

Actually my mood today was good
Having great time at school
Being damn busy with the photo taking
eventhough I am not one of the commitee for it
Lol....
Busybody.....
No lar..... just that they need some help
So me and dexter are doing it
After school
some practicing were actually running at school
P was telling me about someone's command
And i just say 'zui' in cantonese
At last i was got scolded by that someone
I was really mad....
I am not angry with the P
But that someone is too over.....
Argh,,,,,
God please help me to forgive this person

2nd Day of School Reopen...

School finally started and my normal school life had already been started...
Yesterday, all the ajk of prefect were being so busy on the orientation of new students and everything.
We've actually never really sat down for a rest because is like too many things to do and you really do not have the golden time for another stuff...
But something really do change in 2010...
Normally we can hear the laughter of Jeremy, but now...
Really gonna miss him so much...
Cny celebration is coming...
Gonna really busy of helping yuan and rou to do their celebration.
Cuz they really do need some help...
I think this is what really school means to me....
Being busy every second.

2010!!!!! Happy New Year!!!!!

YEAH!!!!
A brand new year coming up!!!!
2009 really just 'fly' away in a glimpse of an eye
So brand new wishes
Brand new memories
Brand new life
Brand new problem
And brand new ME coming up
I'm actually looking forward for it
Cuz this reminds me SPM is coming up!!!!!
Argh!!!!
This is always the nastiest thing

Anyway!!!!
Bye bye to 2009
And Hello to 2010!!!!!!